This issue has been cropping up for a long time, but it was brought freshly to mind today when an overeager teenage bagger swept up my two small bags of groceries and tried to make off with them. He certainly hadn’t done that for the four bags of the customer before me, in fact, he hadn’t even offered to take those bags out. I can only assume this is because the last customer was a man.
First let me say that I get that most of you are being gentlemen. I applaud the good manners and respect that we can show each other with a few standard phrases and actions, but it’s long past time for an update, and perhaps a few thoughts on why women say ‘thanks, but no thanks’.
I have often gotten disgruntled looks for refusing ‘help’ from men when lugging stuff up & down stairs, doing yard work, carrying groceries, etc. I am surprised by how frequently am pressured by both men and women to get or submit to ‘help’ from men, and I am left feeling I’ve been rude not to take assistance I don’t want or need. Why turn away a friendly gesture?
because I don’t actually need the assistance. I am healthy and in fairly good shape and doing things for myself helps me stay that way.
the world being what it is today, any offer of help to a woman from an unknown male is going to be greeted with suspicion by any safety-conscious female.
many of the offers feel vaguely disparaging.